Week 36

This last weekend we had baptismal services for a few people. It was interesting to see how much really goes into planning and setting up for a baptism. There are so many things to consider, like who's going to bring food, who's going to set up the chairs, who's going to give the talks, who's going to witness, getting jumpsuits that fit right etc. I'm definitely a lot more appreciative of all the work that goes into church functions like that, now that I'm one of the people that has to do it. 

Did you know that it takes over an hour and a half to fill a baptismal font? And that someone has to watch it at all times to ensure the temperature stays warm and that no kids find it and get into some shenanigans (read: drown)? I sure didn't. 

Still, good problems to have. I can't complain too much, which is a bit of a problem since you all know how much I like complaining. I'll have to think of more things that are terrible about our friends being baptized so I can share them next time. 

Our friend Luis, who's 11, got baptized on Saturday. When asked beforehand who he wanted to baptize him, he chose me, which was a surprise since he doesn't know me as well as Elder Jarrett. I was happy to do it but the whole thing gave me some mixed feelings. 

It was the first time I've baptized somebody outside the temple, ie baptizing someone for themselves and not on behalf of another, and in fact I had begun to feel like I might never baptize anybody on my mission. It's actually been an ongoing struggle as I've asked myself, "would I be okay with coming home from my mission without baptizing a single person?" The correct answer should of course be "yes," because a mission is really not about the missionary nor about the number of people they baptize. 

The important thing is whether you were obedient, whether you did your best, and what you were able to learn about being a true disciple of Jesus Christ. And besides, you can be one of many people to help someone on their path of discipleship without necessarily being the one serving in that area doing the baptizing when they get to the point of readiness. There's nothing wrong with that, and in fact its the one thing you can take some pride in since you have nothing to do with actually "converting" a person anyway. That all depends on the Holy Ghost and their own choices, all you can do is teach, testify, and invite. But there's always been this weight on my back that accompanied the idea of coming home "without accomplishing anything."

That weight is now gone I guess. But now that I've had a baptism it wasn't really what I was hoping for. Still a nice experience, but not as meaningful as I would have liked it to be. I haven't really gotten the chance to get to know Luis super well or form a friendship with him. When we asked who he wanted to perform the baptism, I feel like he probably chose me randomly because he didn't really seem to care that much when the question was posed (he only chose me after we told him we wouldn't pick someone for him because it was his decision). 

In my mind I always envisioned my first baptism being a very special experience with somebody I'd gotten to know very well, who I'd watched and helped to grow and learn, and somebody that had become a good friend. It is incorrect thinking to say that you can "earn" a baptism, but I do think there is a special connection that builds up over time between a lot of missionaries and their friends that was absent here. There is a joy that comes from "cultivating" somebody's gospel knowledge and helping them grow which I didn't really experience with him. So the experience felt a little hollow. 

When I talked to Elder Jarret about it he said that "it isn't about the destination, it's about the journey." Which I think is honestly a very true statement for this particular instance, even if it belongs on a bumper sticker. 

What this experience helped me realize is that it wouldn't matter to me if I had 1,000 baptisms on my mission if I didn't know or care about any of the people I was baptizing (that's probably one of the reasons that family history work is so important in relation to temple work). At the end of your life, one of the only things that's going to matter is the relationships you made. I think that's true of the mission as well. 

But anyway, I'm still grateful that Luis gave me the opportunity to baptize him, and also confirm him the following day. There is always (or at least usually) a nice, peaceful feeling at baptismal services and I felt happy as I was able to do those two things for him. 

- - -

In other news, Elder Jarrett had his one-year mark two weeks ago. We get to go to the temple every six months, so I had the opportunity to go again not too long after I got to go for my 6-month mark. 

It was a really unique situation because Elder Jarrett got special permission from our mission president for his family to come visit so he could be there for his sister's endowment. So I got to meet his parents, younger sister, and both sets of his grandparents. 

It was very awkward being on the fringes of their family reunion. They were all really happy to see him after 12 months, so they were all hugging and laughing and talking about things back home. His mom and grandma were fussing over him because he had gotten taller and his pants were getting too short. Elder Jarrett did not introduce me to anyone so I just stood there until somebody decided to talk to me. Pretty standard "nice to meet you, where are you from" type stuff, and then back to the main conversation with Elder Jarrett.

I didn't want to insert myself into the conversation or anything because I didn't want to interrupt (which definitely would not have been welcome). And the occasion was obviouslt not about me but about Elder Jarrett's sister. So I mostly just followed the group around silently as they took pictures and talked before going into the temple. 

In the Celestial room Elder Jarrett had a probably 30-45 minute conversation with his sister on a couch while I sat in the corner. His grandma came up to me and I thought it was going to be like a novel where the kindly old lady sits down besides the main character and makes them feel better by telling a whimsical story or something, but she just told me to go sit by Elder Jarrett because I was breaking mission rules by not sitting with him while he was talking to a girl (which is not correct, especially since it was his sister). I did end up sitting on the couch but I was not included in the conversation (it was about the Fall and the importance of Agency, Elder Jarrett's favorite topic and one he is the foremost authority on according to Elder Jarrett) so I mostly just sat there feeling sorry for myself. 

We went to a Mediterranean restaurant afterwards and I was introduced to a lot of interesting foods. Both Elder Jarrett's mom and his grandma noticed I seemed down so they talked to me about his grandma's conversion story and about how everything you do as a missionary matters, and no effort is wasted. I wasn't really sad about that (it was more like I was severely depressed because I was missing my family) but they made me feel a lot better nonetheless. And pita bread is quite delicious so it was hard to stay upset. 

It was funny because I was pretty confused by the proper way to eat all the different foods, so half the table started explaining in an effort to help me. But they went a little overboard and started explaining basic stuff like what hummus is and explaining falafel as "basically minty veggie meatballs." I guess I wasn't exuding an air of very much intelligence because they made sure to tell me that French fries do *not* go in the gyro. I have to tell you, I have never felt more white than I did during that meal. 

- - -

Thanks for your emails, I got some from people I haven't heard from in a while. This transfer has been quite challenging so far even though there is a lot of work to be done and my relationship with my companion has been difficult (I'm beginning to think that *I* might be the problem companion after all given my track record). I appreciate your support and I'll keep you apprised of the situation. 

Yours Faithfully,

Elder C. Calder

The temple from the back parking lot that nobody uses. You may have seen pictures of the Phoenix Temple, but I bet you've never seen a picture from this angle before!

We went over to Aaron's house to help him do some "Winter Cleaning." Aaron is a member in another ward but Elder Jarrett knows him and they're friends. I've gotten to know him a little bit too, he's an interesting person to talk to. We went and helped him clean his apartment, which has gotten into quite the state of disarray since he's been going through some things. My contribution largely consisted spending an hour and a half trying to match and fold dozens of pairs of socks. It was very depressing because many of them were from the same brands and *almost* matched, but more than half of them were missing the other sock. So I ended up just leaving a big pile of mismatched socks next to the folded ones.

An extra photo of me, courtesy of Elder Jarrett's mom. 

Temple picture pt2

Us with Luis. Sadly I'm going to have to disappoint you, there is no photo of us in our baptismal jumpsuits. It's too bad, mine was quite flattering on me. 

Elder Jarrett and me, also courtesy of his mom. 

We went to Walmart last week and Elder Jarrett wandered around the scented wax aisle for a solid hour sniffing boxes of wax. Most of the scents gave me a headache, but I did manage to find this extremely weird Catholic prayer candle. It has a prayer template on the back for asking favors of the baby Jesus. I can't help but wonder if stuff like this really helps people feel closer to God. 

Us with EJ's sister Hazel who was getting her endowment that day.