Week 63

Two weeks ago we went to St Mary's Food Bank on Wednesday morning, as we usually do. Afterwards my companion and roommates wanted to go to McDonalds, and because the flesh is weak I gave in to their pleas. At McDonald's I tried to open up my phone so my companion and I could do our daily planning, only to find that the phone wouldn't turn on. Previously it had been on a 60% charge so I knew it couldn't be out of power, so I figured it must have shut down somehow and needed to be rebooted. Pushing the power button for the next 15 minutes proved fruitless, and that was when I started to accept that I was in trouble. 

My phone was a gift from my sister, her roommate at BYU had recently returned from a mission and still had her old mission phone so she gave it to her. Since she knew that I would leave for my mission before she did, my sister kindly gave the phone to me. It was a bit beat up and hadn't been updated a single time so I had to keep updating it for my entire stint in the MTC, but it has served me faithfully for more than a year of missionary work here in Arizona.

Later that day I tried the power button again and it turned on. It was acting funny though, the audio wouldn't play no matter what I tried or how I messed with the settings, didn't work for calls, audio clips, videos, etc. It also stopped charging so no matter what charger I used it wouldn't work. I knew that the bell was tolling for my old friend.I watched over the course of the rest of the day as the battery life slowly leeched out of it, until it finally died again for the final time. 

The technology specialist missionary for the mission said that I could bring the phone in on Monday and he could try to fix it/give me a loaner phone to use. I didn't want to be stuck with a cheap MTC phone like all the young missionaries out here (I wanted to maintain my superiority complex), but I was out of options. We traveled over to the mission office on monday, only to learn that the Elder couldn't come due to some family business. He promised he'd get me a new phone on thursday. Thursday rolled around and, at long last, I got my new phone. It had a crack in the screen and the audio was broken so it buzzed a lot (calls were almost unintelligible), but it was infinitely better than having no phone. The tech guy told me that he was sorry it was a bit beat up but it was the nicest one they had- apparently the trainees fresh from the MTC have a habit of badly mistreating their phones so they get broken a lot. Well, as they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure.

I was so happy to have a phone again! The toll that a week without a phone takes as a missionary in this mission is a heavy one. Daily planning felt like it took twice as long, we would send off texts at a rate of about one every 10 minutes during daily contacts (we just stopped doing them by the end because it was taking so long). Weekly planning went from merely mind-dulling to soul-destroying and beyond excruciating, we were just sitting there in the church for almost 5 hours in a stupor of thought. 

Once I had the phone I started taking care of all our unreported contacts in the PMG app, redownloading all my pictures from my SD card, and we started actually doing our texts and calls again which made me feel significantly better about the chances of missionary work actually surviving in this area. I was excited to send off some emails and call some people on pday since I hadn't been able to do much last week. 

Saturday night I was feeling pretty good! We had just gotten out of a good lesson with a family we were teaching (more on them later) and drove home. When we got there I went to report on the lesson and found that my phone wouldn't turn on. I thought that was interesting, I tried a few more times, checked a few things, all to no avail. 

Thankfully this phone chose to die later in the evening so I was at least able to have a whole 2 days with it. When we got home and I told our roommates what happened there was no sympathy. Elder Bright just started laughing hysterically at my misfortune, which is probably the appropriate response. As it is written: "History repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce."

We went to the mission office again today because the tech elder was supposed to be in (he didn't answer the texts or calls we sent from my companion's phone) but he didn't show up. I think I might be consigned to this probationary state for at least another week. 

All this being said, there is a good reason why I have not emailed or messaged any of you for two weeks. Granted! I have gone silent for longer, with less legitimate reasons. But this time I have a valid excuse. I'm typing this email from one of the computers at the Stake Center, so I might not see any responses for another week or two, but I will do my best to respond. 

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Anyway, beyond the incident with my phone it's been a pretty good couple of weeks. I've been doing a lot of praying, reflecting and studying on what I can do to be a happier, stronger missionary. It's been inspiring and also sobering to see how Heavenly Father is Aware of my prayers and that He gives me light and ideas incrementally, building upon each other. A precept is defined as "a general rule intended to regulate behavior or thought," and I now understand what it is like to recieve "line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little" (2 Nephi 28:30). My belief in God has grown a lot during my mission, and I feel that I can say with confidence that I Know that God lives, that He is a living reality and that He loves me with the tenderness of a parent. 

"Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee" (Isaiah 49:15). 

I have seen His hand in my life, I have been blessed with knowledge and enlightenment, I have been forgiven and felt my wrongs and burdens lightened. I have felt His love for me, connection, peace, and I am joyful to be able to say that I can be grateful for the things He has given to me. He is patient with me and He is helping me to realize my potential. 

Lately I've been given the direction to be "All In." I have wondered a lot about what I can do to be better, what I can still give with the energy and capacity I currently have, in order to feel Him say that I am giving enough. Just recently I learned that when I am reaching out to other more freely, being kinder, trying to be more invested in others' lives, avoiding putting on a persona, I am happier and I have a greater capacity to be one of the "peaceable followers of Christ" (Moroni 7:3). It is easier to be brave and talk to people, it is easier to feel connected to others and to the LORD. 

I am excited to see where the future will take me. I am still afraid because I know that it will be hard and that I will still fail a lot, but I am beginning to accumulate genuine hope. As Preach My Gospel states:

"Hope is not simply wishful thinking. Instead, it is an abiding confidence, grounded in your faith in Christ, that God will fulfill His promises to you... As you center your hope in Christ, you have the assurance that all things will work together for your good. This assurance helps you persevere with faith when you face trials. It can also help you grow from trials and develop spiritual resilience and strength. Hope in Christ provides an anchor for your soul."

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We had a family come to church yesterday, the Courtneys. We'd been meeting with them for the last 5 weeks but Sister Courtney would often cancel. She'd have her kids watch the videos we sent but they would never keep the most important commitment of all- coming to church. She would always say "we'll try to make it." However this last time when we went over she said the same thing and we explained, as gently as we could, how extending invitations to make commitments is something that we do in order to help people to prepare to keep a very important commitment- the baptismal covenant. She seemed offended and refused to commit, saying that she wasn't going to promise anything if she didn't know if she was going to be there. We felt heavy coming out of that lesson because if people don't keep commitments, we can't really help them and there's no point in continuing to teach them. But the next day she texted us apologizing and saying that she was going through some things and that they WOULD be there at church on Sunday. We had another visit on saturday that went better and she restated her commitment to come. Her daughter April was very surpised when we started talking about what time church was at and the dress code and whatnot, she said "Wait... we're actually going??" And not only did they come, but they stayed for second hour and went to all of their individual classes. The ward did a good job fellowshipping them and helping them to feel welcome. Sister Courtney said that they would be back next week, which I am happy about. 

I also got to go to the Mesa Temple last week with my good friend Michael Zukin. I don't have any of the pictures here but we got to go with him and the Hermanas in his ward in Scottsdale, which I enjoyed a lot. He said he was really nervous, especially since it was his first time participating in any priesthood ordinance (he was ordained a priest the week before- he might have helped with the sacrament before, come to think of it, but this was definitely his first time baptizing). But it was a really cool experience being able to baptize him for his non-Christian ancestors in the temple and then to have him baptize me. I'm a lot taller and bigger than him and he was joking that he wouldn't be able to get me under the water. I am so happy that I was able to meet him, it's been a rough road sometimes but meeting him alone might make the entire thing worth it even if I hadn't gotten anything else out of my mission (which I have). I feel keenly just how much of a gift it was to be able to meet him and teach him, I sure didn't do anything to deserve him or his friendship. 

Let's hope that my next email will be a little sooner and less spaced-out than the previous ones, but in case it's another transfer until I write to you, I am, as always,

Faithfully Yours,

Elder C. Calder.