Week ??

Our prep day is on Tuesday this week due to transfers. I have now been a missionary for twenty-one months. This next transfer is my second to last. 

The calamity of calamities has come to pass, the Sword of Damocles that has been hanging over my head for almost two years has finally fallen down to smite me in my arrogance. 

When I first arrived in the mission, I had my initial interview with my first mission president, President Eyre. He suggested that for my health and well-being he would be putting me in a bike area very soon. I expressed that I was not the biggest fan of that idea but he seemed determined. However when he left 3 weeks later and President Fisk came in, it seems that the plans for me were lost somewhere because I escaped being on bike. Two Arizona summers have come and gone, each hotter and more brutal than the last. Anxiously I watched the transfer board every time it was released, waiting to see when my time would come. My biking exchange in the summer with my first district leader gave me enough biking Elder experience to last a lifetime. 

Each time I would be spared, and I began to think that the day would never come. But you can't escape justice. For whom does the bell toll?... 

...It tolls for me.

3 Nephi 8:23-24 "and there was great mourning and howling and weeping [by Elder Calder] continually; yea, great were the groanings of the people, because of the darkness and the great destruction which had come upon [him]... And in one place they were heard to cry, saying: O that [he] had repented before this great and terrible day"

Tomorrow we will bring our car to the mission office and pass off the keys to the Spanish sisters who will now be covering the western side of Surprise North Stake. Our area will become a biking area, and I will become a bike missionary.

If I should die this next transfer, know that I was very noble and heroic about it. Please eulogize me and my sacrifice. A statue or two in my honor wouldn't be remiss.

- - - - 

It actually makes sense that they would put me on bike. I am, of course, the first missionary in history to be awarded not just one, but two Golden Cactus awards for good driving. Once you've reached the pinnacle of human achievement in a certain field, as I have, there is nothing left to do but move on to bigger and better conquests. There is in fact a biking missionary award, for those who biked during the summer months. I will be returning home this May, before the summer begins. But quite frankly if you think that a small detail like that is going to stop me from being awarded the Golden Bike Award you are sadly mistaken. 

- - - 

As a part of the diet I have been on for much of my mission, when we go shopping I mostly just buy two things: canned assorted vegetables and ground beef. I usually only buy one or two 1 lbs packages of beef but this last week my companion convinced me that it would be much more cost-effective to buy the enormous 10 lbs package because it will save me $8. So I bought in bulk. 

It spent a week in the fridge because I was too afraid to open it and have to deal with so much raw meat at once. Yesterday I finally gave up because I knew it was going to go bad soon and tore it open. I'll tell you what, squeezing 10 pounds of smelly, pink raw meat out of a giant tube with both hands is a unique experience.

I've also recently been informed that red meat is in fact bad for your arteries and that President Nelson has chosen to not eat it. Being a world-renowned heart surgeon there is some weight to his concerns. So there is a possibility that by the time I am finished with this ten-pounder I will have developed heart disease. Maybe it's a good thing after all that they're putting me on bike.

- - - 

More seriously, yesterday I had a wondrous experience. We were returning to our car after visiting a referral another missionary got from his dad (that's another story) and we saw a door being closed on the house on the corner. I figured it would be good for us to knock so we went and did. 

A woman answered and said some of her family members were members of our church, and we started to share our message. I felt peace and happiness as we talked about the restoration, she was very respectful and asked great questions like why we would need another book if we have the Bible. Ordinarily people ask things like that with an intent to dispute but she seemed truly curious. We testified of the Book of Mormon and how it teaches the pure, undefiled doctrine of Christ.

Elder Tenney saw her husband walking towards the door and then slide out of sight so he was by the edge of the doorframe, before suddenly inserting himself into the conversation in an attempt to scare us. He started trying to contend with us. It was interesting because he didn't raise his voice or act unhinged, you could tell he was trying to be respectful and kind. But he said many inflammatory things, presented incorrect views of our beliefs and and tried to teach us to see the error of our ways. 

One of the things he said is that there are irreconcilable differences between their faith and "Mormons" and so there must be contention between us. I said that I hope not, thinking of the scripture in the Book of Mormon where Jesus says the spirit of contention is of the devil. He seemed caught off guard and tried to explain how we could respectfully contend with and argue with each other. 

There was of course a strong temptation to correct his views and dispute his claims but ultimately we just testified of Christ and His reality, and how the Book of Mormon helps us to feel God's love, and how we know it is true because of how it makes us feel. Elder Tenney was going to add that its more than just feelings as well, its experiences and miracles we have seen, but then the man started talking about archeological evidence and how "everyone agrees" on this and that and then said that our feelings can be fooled. 

It was really interesting because 1) his wife seemed irritated by his interruption and seemed to feel the difference between when we were talking and he was talking, and 2) I realized that the spot this man was in is exactly where I used to be in terms of my faith. 

This man was so prideful that he did not believe God could teach him anything contrary to that which his own experiences had, what he could percieve with his 5 senses. He did not believe that God could reveal things to us. He did not understand how little humanity truly, objectively knows and how ridiculous it is to trust only in limited human knowledge. 

It is a terrifying thing to surrender the pretense of rationality and to admit that you actually know NOTHING about the universe or absolute truth. But I thought about how my life has been different since I made that decision and started to trust in the feelings, promptings, and inspiration that come to me and feel different from my own thoughts. As I have acted on them, trusted them, and explored them, I have learned that God can and will Reveal real truth to me. That is why it is called Revelation.

And am I a happier person since I surrendered my pride? Much, much happier. My mission has been amazing because it has produced a miracle in me, that I was able to let go of enough of my pride in order to start to find true happiness. But I know how hard it is to make that step of faith into the unknown. It is an evil lie that faith is blind, Faith is NOT blind and is actually the most rational thing in the world, but it does require bravery and action in the face of opposition.

Yours Faithfully,

Elder C. Calder